It's been almost two months...
Two months since we ever hold hands...
Two months since we ever talked nicely to each other...
Seriously.. They say time would heal...
Time healed my anger towards you for leaving me...
It also healed my tiredness...
Been so tired after all the arguments we had...
But it never healed my broken heart from commiting myself so much in the game called LOVE. I thought it would be easy mending my own heart with lots of therapy and going around. I thought it would. Having C around was wonderful as C cheered me up a lot by telling me silly jokes and concern about me even though C is in NYC. The time difference is almost a day behind. I may have feelings towards C, but this feeling is just something so simple and plain because it is hard to find true friends in this life. This feeling stayed until the limit of just friends and nothing over that. Just a typical friend I find interesting and funny. But seriously, nobody has ever thought that I would fall so deep this time. 649 days of being in love with you. Till this day, the love is still there but our distance kept us away. They say loving someone, doesn't mean that you have to be with them. That is why I am still single. Though available, but I just want some simple love that I once had with you. It's so hard to find anymore. As life gets more complicated as our age grows. I just somehow wished I could have another chance with you. I know I should have just never came back after all. I was so happy and excited that you would find me again. But I was left disappointed after all after coming back. But still, I'm glad I came back after all..
It is just a new life after all...
Speaking on Valentine's, I didn't go to your place as I had to go back school and settle my things. I ever hurt my pinky toe and dislocated it and find it hard to step when put my feet on the car clutch. At night , had a call from you and all those hurtful things just came out from your phone call. I was stunned and worried that time. I wanted to go up there straight away to look for you and hoping your okay. But the timing wasn't right. The message you sent me that day, I saved it. It cheered me up a little bit and gave me a little hope the other day when you said we'll rest for a while before continuing. With hope...
Hurtful, indeed, but I chose not to blame you for saying those things to me. We could be together if we could really somehow put all the past behind and start a fresh leaf. I would. I would. But I know you wouldn't. Because you have that someone you like. Sighs... And I just wish we really could let those past fall behind... I know i'm not thinking rationally. But I would really be the best if I can ever have the chance to be with you again. It is because we really clicked on each other when we were together and I was happy. I didn't know whether you're happy or not. Because I still see you cry over for her and sometimes... Sighs...
Saw something on your recent entry days ago, words that were spoken out cannot be kept back. Yes. Words that were said cannot be kept back, but could be forgiven and forgotten. No point? No worries. Because love cures all the pain. Perhaps I didn't love you enough until your pain couldn't be lessen. But the love you gave me, was enough for me to forget the past and accept you for who you are. Blinded by love? I'd give up my eyes to be loved by someone who really cares for me. I know what you want. I would give you what you need. Just plain simple love. We once had it. Right? We'll have it in the future. Maybe with me, maybe not. But you'll be much more happier when you have found.
I thought I would be better. But I fell too deep this time. I am getting up on my feet and gaining back my confidence. But not in love. Positive that I will be okay. I wish you would just come back to me after you're tired of messed up life because of me. I wish you would say you love me once again. Everything I wish... Just for the sake of you would come back... After seeing your latest entry... You're just pushing me to C and CH... Not wanting me back.. Not holding on me.. You're just letting me go again after all. I once heard that you wouldn't want me to be in love with others. Because it hurts you. If I could listen to those words that matters a lot again. I'd give up anything just to be with you. All these are just wishes that I wish every time I hug the yellow sponge. I wish I wish I wish to be with you. You knew where you were in my heart. I *heart* you more than any others I had. You knew.. But you left.. Not wanting to be in contact with me... Not wanting to be involve with me.. Not wanting to love me any deeper.
**Cross my fingers and hope for a better day tomorrow**Life would be better in the days of tomorrow. I wish I wish I wish... I hope hope hope... I miss you my darling... Daring the obstacles in front, daring the uncertain things in life, daring and gambling on the future... I am myself. I am going to be Cheah Jo San. I am going to be who I want and find the one I love. I wish it is you. Stupid I might be, but nobody is wrong to fall deeply in love, **
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