The rest is the past.

There was this thing called love I never understood. I used to think of it as a bond between two people in love, where nothing else matters. And that love was the only things I'm always worried about. To be happy, to feel loved by someone I care. I used to as I said. Now, it's a new meaning to me after all. There was this love story which happened to me. In just a vast 4 months, how things have developed and changed.
Got to know her from a chat group in MSN. Exchanged numbers, and hence, I thought everything was going well with me and another friend. Things changed when I become more emotionally attached to her, telling her all my problems, and her, needing my support and comfort. Went to met her during mid Sept holidays. Boy, it was just a shrud against the shoulders, and a pat on her shoulder. I felt something I've been afraid of. Just so that I could make a new friend, and stay as a friend who she can talk to. I might not be a big help, but at least if she gets her mouth starts talking, she'll be more relaxed than usual given that the life of her's is filled with fear and tension. Then, something happened in the meantime, an incident she thought it was over. As I started to have feelings for her, all I just want to do was to protect her and let her know that there's nothing to be afraid of. Giving her moral support wasn't enough. It's the vendetta in her heart that needs to be vanished. No matter how hard I tried to console her, she just kept it inside her. Being a strong lady, she took it all into her heart. I thought I was doing good until what I've been told again. I got stuck on her during her hard times, and I just wanted to care for her even more. Greed made me commit on a relationship with her. We loved each other, may I say, but there were dark corners around her which I couldn't counter at all. Meanwhile, I'm having health issues that could rip my life.
Soon, her birthday came. Being unable to celebrate with her. I posted her birthday presents for her. Would love to hand things to you personally, but we know it'd be impossible as both of our examinations are in the corner. Things went pretty well, but during the exam period, we argued over pressure and stuff. Being my soft-hearted self, I cried a lot during that period. The pressure from my family was too intense, and I've been a bad person to her. Somebody tried to rip me off her, right now, that ass should be pretty happy instead. At least she chose to tell me the truth. Things were going up and down, until she procrastinated the way I am. According to her, I'm being someone who doesn't have my own opinion. But indeed, I just wanted to stop us from arguing. There was no more chance for me. It's January now, all these happened in the month of December 2009. Remember 2008? Surely I did. And for the same period of time, I had to go through all these over and over again. It hurts. It really hurts. There was no one to turn to, so I couldn't hide my feelings from her and told her I couldn't let her go yet. On Christmas Day itself, I gave her christmas presents. Teddybears. The fluffy toy she loved and a laconic necklace. I don't know whether now if she's thrown it away or kept it inside the box. All I could sense is that she needs a friend who can always be there for her. I told her I'm willing to help her. But the way she thinks is kept in herself and not letting anybody persuade her to do things. On Boxing Day morning, I received a text bomb. Stunned like I wrote in my previous post. It took me a long way to be emotionally ready for the next stage of my life from what happened in the past year. She was busy and busy, but she said she'll be with me to overcome all these issues. But in the end, I'm still alone. I couldn't ask more right now. Since things were not the way it was supposed to be anymore. I've learned my lesson. And I shall not reveal my feelings to anyone anytime soon. Or should I say, I'm tired of these fucking love life I have. Nothing seemed real and clear to me anymore. Not even my future. I just know, I'm the one who controls my life. And for my birthday present, she asked me what I want the most. I told her what I want is unaccomplishable. She kept quiet. And I think it'll be better this way. Friends have been asking what I wanna do on my Birthday already. I think, I just want a simple celebration. Wanted to go down to be with her. I don't think I should be doing that anymore. Even if there is still feelings I have for her, it'll never be revealed. She knows I'm in love with her. If a friend is what she needs, I'll say Yes to her requests as long as I can do it. It's CNY in less than a month. How I wish to take her around if she ever comes around. But it's all her choice. Treating me and that ass like a friend. Or maybe she won't even choose both of us! It's the fairest way she'll think.
The rest is the past. Live on as long as I'm alive.
I think I'll be happier this way and appreciate what I have.
As long as she remembers me as a friend, I'm happy and proud to be one.
She's a nice lady, just that she got issues with her heart.
Hopefully one day she'll grow up and be more open minded. Nevertheless, she's still so young and naive over some things.
It was a love that was painful, but I never regret loving her as much as I could. Fate ends between me and her. What can I do when there's nothing to do? It'll be only be up to time and fate to decide. Taking prescription drugs right now. I wish I had nothing to do with it. Cos i'm really afraid of being sick!