Happy Birthday to Me~

18year old me~!!!!!

As the clock reaches 12~
All my friends greeted me and said Happy Birthday to me~!
Was happy that they remembered.
Was happy that they wished me.
Although all of us have our different lives out there.
But our friendship remains the same.
Here, I'd like to thank Denise, Splendy and Bee Yee.
4 of us were in a chatroom from 10 something till 12.
They had classes the next morning, but still accompanied me.
In the chatroom, all of us were like talking about what happened during form 5.
Was lucky enough to be in the same class with you all.
There, we shared moments from the past. And gotta say, you guys really make me laugh my ass off! Things we talked were rubbish but then yet so fun. Haha.
One thing I am very kek is about splendy keep saying that she wants to offline at 11.59pm .
Sobssss.. SO bad.. treat me lidat on my bday~~~
Hahha. but then she didn't lar. Just saja wana kek me oni marh.
Know her suei kuan.
Baya also grow up a lot adi. And Denise, needless to say, angel lor. Angelic one~
We chatted and chatted non stop. Invited Josephine to our convo but she was too busy pangsai-ing and couldn't catch what we were talking about so she left the convo~!
They took pictures of the convo and waiting for them to post it to their blog so i can copy it! XD
When midnite stuck, they wished me happy birthday~
And everyone said their wishes.. why like their birthday leh??? hahaha

Okay. I have 2 classes today. So couldn't celebrate with my friends.
but luckily, we had Relay For Life on Saturday and Sunday.
On saturday night, went to Manhattan fish market
And had dinner with my friends.
Then.. A surprise came..
A CAKE!!!!!
NGEK NGEK NGEK~!!! so happy!!!!
Was farking full after dinner and went to walked around gurney~~~
Then went back to youthpark~!
Then snoozeeeeeeeeeee offf....






]

Shall update on who greeted and wished me happy birthday soon~~~


其实,我们的感情,是你自己不肯挽救.也不要挽救.所以,你还是爱他好点.免得你再被我伤害.你不爱我了.所以你还是好好爱你的他吧!相信你会做到放弃我的那一天.因为你已经不会再爱我了.
加油吧~!
谢谢你对我说生日快乐.也谢谢你最后一次叫我.我会好好记得.也会慢慢放弃一个不再爱我的你.我18岁了.年纪,再也不是我们之间的问题了.就算我们有机会重来,有问题的人,不会再是我了.现在,还有未来,你都不会过自己的那一关,重新接受一个爱着你的人,但却因为一些事情而分开的人.你不肯接受,也不会接受.因为你限制.她,也走了.我,也不留了.你也走了.也不回来了.昨天,你的那些话,也证明了给我看,其实你也还是限制着自己不接受他.何苦?跟一个人在一起,最重要是喜欢和爱.报恩,绝对不是这么报的.就算自己多么委屈等等,也不会接受跟他在一起的.你会接受,也因为你也喜欢和愿意尝试.分开了快要四个月,你是时候好好地对他了.我们曾经相爱过.我们曾经拥有过.挽留,也挽留过.一而再,再而三的误会,你也不肯听我说也不肯给我解释.距离?可能,对你来说,很远了.但是,一个爱你的人,不会觉得这样.只要看到你幸福开心,那已经是最近距离的接触了.远了,不是因为误会,而是你根本不想知道我到底过得好不好.而我,也只能在这儿看到你到底过得好不好.不会多说,只有祝福你.昨天,我的确真的是为你父母而开心.女儿,可以嫁了.当初,我也因为不能娶你,给你一个归宿,家庭.所以放弃了跟他争的权利.而你,怎么听也不听我的苦衷.或许,我这次错了,或许,我这次对了.虽然离开和放弃,不会是最好的办法,但只要我还爱你的那一天,我也要看到你幸福快乐.不,我不伟大.我很虚假.我放弃了一个我爱的人.原因是,因为我输了.他,会好好地对待你.你,要努力放下我.你快要成功了.加油吧!
如果有一天,你还当我是朋友,我们是可以聊的.那时,不要再怪我,不要再骂我.因为当初的我,已经不在了.如今的我,肯定的,比以前更好了.最重要是幸福快乐甘愿.你我之间的承诺,你忘了也罢.但我还是会为我自己的未来,事业而拼出我要的那片天.无论我跟谁在一起,我希望,我会看到你穿婚纱,跟你的新郎一起走进教堂结婚.路途,可能还很远,可能很近,爱惜自己,疼爱别人.珍惜自己,也珍惜你身边的人.不听,也无所谓.清楚,和脚踏实地做人,是件好事.你已经快要成为他的女人了.你要好好哦!
那一天,你差点就是我的女人.(还是很想要.哈哈哈~!)
那一天,我离开了.(对不起.)
这一天,看到你幸福了.(很开心)
这一天,我也哭了.(因为我终于知道你的心了)
最爱的路人,谢谢你.

算了吧~

看到了你的部落格.
还蛮伤心.
不过,过了也过了.
我看.我还是继续我的新生活吧.
既然你已经爱上他.
我再怎么骗自己你会回来.
都是费的了.
看到你跟他那么恩爱.
我也放心咯~

既然爱不能很稳,那就留给下一个来给你幸福咯~!
我会好好的~

接下来会po 我的生日的照片咯~
虽然不是16号庆祝~不过很开心呢!

iphone~!!!!!

老病又来咯~
原本以为已经没事因为没发作了...
可是刚才忽然头又很痛了下~又再流鼻血了~!!!
哎~~~!!!该不会再像之前吧?
不想管那么多...只想要好好读好书来!
不想看医生了...不喜欢!!!
要死也死得无遗憾点吧!!!

Apple Iphone is here!
The plan that is offered by Maxis is not bad.
But the Iphone still costs around RM2k after monthly subscription of RM100
And that's for the 8GB one.
Went to ebay to check out how much they are selling for the 16GB ones.
Found out that it is quite cheaper compared to the ones Maxis is offering.
But of course, beware of fake iphones either lar.
There's a brand from China called MEIZU. But writes at the back there that it is apple. LOLS. Laugh my ass off when I saw that. Plus, it has keypads. Which.... real iphones don't have!
It's purely on touch screen only.
It's selling for Rm2580 for the 16GB version in ebay.
And it's a good buy actually.
Might be getting one next year by the way.
Just before I head off to anywhere. HEHE. Of course, getting my tiffany and Gucci too before I leave~! OFCOURSE i have to work my ass off to buy these stuff!XD
Turning 18 soon~~~Getting my debit card on tuesday~Then I'll be shopping~~~~~~~
Here's a good look at the real iphone.
Though I don't have the fake iphone's picture. But this is surely something very obvious to see compared to the iphone from China.


SEE! NO KEYPADS ONE!!!
super CHUN can????XD

Finally~I can lay my hands on an iphone!!! Well, at least I don't have to ask Nat or C to buy for me and pass it to me when they come back anymore!HIAKs!

可惜.开心.生日.18岁.

突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多

如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和
舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我

你很幸福.你真的很幸福.
比我更幸福.
你要继续幸福下去.
因为这样.你会活得更开心.
谢谢你告诉我你真的不要我了.
我不会背叛自己.
伤害一个我不爱的人.
我很自私.同样的,我也不想给她假希望.

明天,就要庆祝生日了.
提早庆祝.
只想留三月十六日当天,给我跟最爱最爱的人一起度过.
应该不会是你.因为你爱上了他.
也对我暗示了你不会再要回我.
容忍的人,其实并不笨.只是宁可对自己残忍.
一切的约定,你也应该忘了吧?
有了他,也一定有了跟他之间的约定和承诺吧?
呵呵.要结婚时记得叫我帮你们拍照哦!
很想看到你穿婚纱呢...一定会是最漂亮的新娘子了~!
新郎,也一定会是你很爱很爱的人咯~!
虽然我很想当你的新郎...^_^...不过你爱他就好~!

一月三号那天,你说给我一年追回你.
你也应该忘了吧?
也不懂你会不会再记得我...
也许你已经决定爱他的那一天开始...
也不会再想起我了吧!
就让我爱你多一年吧...
纠缠不清?
不...我不会烦着你...
默默关心你多一下就好..
这一下有一年时间...
哈哈~考完试,就会出国旅游或读书或打工了...
2010年1月3日当天,我会正式放开你...[如果你这一年来都没有想要跟我在一起的话]
朋友能当吗?也不懂.也不是很想懂.
既然爱不能很稳~你跟他那么稳~我放手也对吧?

快要18岁咯~我要长大咯~!
我要的,我一定会得到.我想得到的,我一定会争取到.
但我要的爱情,已经不存在了.
很可惜,她不是我想要的.
很可惜,你是我要的却得不到的.
很可惜,当初是我犯贱先.
很可惜,我是个衰老.
很可惜,我不能当你的新郎.
很可惜,你爱上了他.[推论:因为你也没说你爱我]

我也会幸福.
我也会快乐.
虽然单身.但我很开心你还可以陪在我心里多一年.
婚纱店~porsche~海边的别墅~一起出国~蓝玫瑰~永恒的爱情~30岁前的第一桶金~
2009年和2010年~是我的关键时刻.
既然我不能给你,他会给你.
既然我不能给你,2010年的我,会开始寻找爱情.寻找真爱 .
2009年~是个考验期.对我的考验期.
我可以为了自己的前途而放弃爱情.
我已经拒绝了两个.
我还是会拒绝下一个.
当初,其中一个原因是我不想要拖累你.
我不能随时陪伴你.
我不能随时陪你出街.更不能随时陪你玩乐.
我有我的目标.我还年轻.
我会玩乐.我会放松.但不是现在.
因为我必须争取一些东西来证明我是可以玩乐的!
昨晚,偷偷的哭了...
没有人可以依靠.也不想伤害别人.
因为我爱的.不是她们.

心情...

心情一天比一天更低落...
本来说好要陪我庆祝十八岁生日的你...
不在我身边了...
想着想着...
我真的失败了...
若我可以再次跟你在一起...
我会对你更好...
我会对你更细心...
当初的我,鲁莽草率...
所以才会打破你的心...
是我不懂得珍惜...
是我不懂得体谅...
现在发现了...
已经太迟了...
是我...把你从黑暗救出来...
也是我把你从光明退回黑暗...
如今的你,快要回到光明了...
而我,一直都没有离开过...
离不开,也不想离开...
多么希望有一天你会回来陪我一起走向光明...
但是....

我无法跟新的她在一起...
怎么试也想着你...
尤其是我们恩爱了那么久...
我无法...真的无法...
你一定要幸福...
你一定要比我更好...
压力开始来了...
我好想对你说...我好想你...我好想你...让我靠一靠你的肩膀可以吗...?
但是是不可能的事了...
你...很幸福...
跟他...真的很幸福...
所以我当初才选择放你走...
因为你真的会很幸福...
比起跟我熬苦...熬难...你真的好多了...不必再跟我一起省钱...不必再跟我分开很久才见一次...
不必因为没有钱而不开心不买东西...
你确实让我看见了我之前做不到的事情...他也帮我完成了...
你要幸福...
要是真的很不幸,如果有一天我真的被撞了...当我打电话给你时,请聆听我想对你说的话...
因为可能我再也不会打给你了...
生日,不会进夜店...不会特别庆祝...
三月十六日...也不是什么特别的日子...
之前是很特别,因为有你陪伴...
现在,也只是老了一岁...
星期六到gp跟朋友吃顿饭也就算了...
你的生日也快到了...
一定会收到好多你想要的东西...
也会好好庆祝一番吧?
要开心幸福哦...

-要是我们可以再次再一起,我一定会好好把握一切-
-我的生命在那一刻,差点就停了下来-
-要是有一天我还没达到目标我就走了,我会很遗憾-
-差的距离只有几寸,但我真的感受到那种死亡的感觉-
-很庆幸我没有事,然而,我会开始做好每件事-
-实在很对不起,我始终无法接受新的她-
-我很对不起她,但我也没有办法-
-始终爱的人是你,放不下,也放不开-
-而她,也很明白我的状况,也决定不再催-

你知道我很想你吗? 你知道我多么想要听你再次叫我吗? 你知道我一直都很想打给你吗? 你知道我不想当第三者吗? 你知道我正努力向我们之前的承诺吗? 你知道我很想要你幸福吗? 你知道我很想当那个再次给你幸福的人吗? 你知道我现在很无助吗? 你知道我听到你不想再跟我有任何关系时,我的心很痛吗? 你知道我多希望你会打给我,不是要骂我,而是只想好好地谈心事骂?
我知道你想说,你要我往前走.
我知道你想对我说,不要再纠缠你了.
我知道你很想很想对我说,不要再想你了.
我知道你是想我的.
我知道你要我幸福,可你知道我要当你的新郎吗?

~死神~

The Shinigami wanted to visit me..
CHOI CHOI CHOI~~
Well, that was what I encountered.
Not once but twice at the same period of time! Around 8pm at night at the same area!
Well, as supposedly, I had training with my team members at Permata Club. Training was fun and tiring. Then it rained and ruined my plan to go to pasar malam.
Oh well, shall take it as I have no luck lor. Then went to 东海岸 for dinner with my friends. Had hokkien mee and ikan panggang. Another nice hokkien mee added into my list!Hehe. Wanted to try lok lok. But was too full after I almost finished the whole ikan panggang. But it was GOOD! It was raining and the road was slippery.
All of us were in our sweaty shirt and the air was so damn cold. Luckily I had my hokkien mee or else I'd be chilling out there. Everyone was talking to their loved one except yong yong and josephine. Thanks for not calling ur loved ones. Haha. Nolar. Reminds me of what I used to do but then I do know the reasons they all do that. Love is in the air~
Okay okay. Straight to what happened to me.
After dinner, Soon Ling asked me to drop her back and then drop Josephine back to Permata to get her car. Everything was good till AFTER I DROPPED SOON LING.
I missed the turning to go back Permata. Headed to the main road. I missed another turning. And went to the dead end. NEVER MIND. After taking a U-turn, I turned into a junction and drove straight and wanted to take a right turn. THEN~!!!!! As i was halfway doing my turning to the junction.... A BUS NEARLY KNOCKED US!!!! IT was A FEW INCHES! AND like in the movies. I could imagine my car being knocked few feet off the place where I STOPPED! And.. and and and.. Josephine was screaming and all that. I nearly wanted to cry when the bus headlamps were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING NEAR my face!!!
LUCKILY!!! The bus managed to stop. Despite of continuing my turning. I went straight ahead to another dead end!!!! ITS okay... THen being all the while macho me. Tried to tell Josephine that there is nothing to be afraid and all that. And yeah.. i was fucking freaked out! NVM!!!!! STILL GOT ONE MORE!!! After taking the turn back, went to the road i'm supposed to go. THEN, at another junction, I looked left, then right and left again and made sure there was no car. AND THIS STUPID KENARI! I think she drove like 70km/h and NEARLY rammed into me again when I was turning AGAIN! SEE LAR. is there something wrong with my driving or drivers at Farlim is like that in HOUSING ESTATE! I thought we're supposed to drive at 30km/h at housing estates what!!!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! And there goes Josephine screaming again.. Aihzzzzz.... But close call. Especially the bus. Was staring at the head lamps of the bus and I seriously could imagine myself being turned over by the bus with the car.
I would be sorry if I really did to Josephine's dad. LOLS. But still, we joked over it and reminder of my life actually.
This incident really shocked me and really made me think again when I drove back home.
There are so many things in life that are unexpected and the worst could happen to anyone!
I really wanted to call you and tell you about the incident.
But thought of that... You're not who you used to be... You are in another one's hand... What am Who am i to tell you this and expect you to be cautious... Sighs...
There is a thing that I would like to say to you till this day.
I still love you. I wish we could turn back time.
but saw ur entry and this is my reply .
爱人,不是.朋友,不是.敌人,不是.陌生人,不是.但你是我最爱的路人.
If anything would happen to me, I'd like you to be the first one I call and the last one I talk to.
I thought we would be over. Yes indeed we're over. But there is still something in my heart that tells me, I love you. I sincerely wished that you would be happy. I wish wish and wish for you to be with me forever. But I failed at first for hurting you so deep.

Memoirs.

Was kinda disappointed actually..
Sighs...
Ya'll couldn't make it for the day..
A bit sad lo...
Not a bit.. is very..
One is because of love.
One is because of family.
Well. Love and family comes first when we have priorities in life.
I guess it'd be okay.

Stop asking me to be with "you-know-who-they-are"
Because I'm not ready.
I'm not steady.
I'm tired.
Just tired.
I was once excited about my 18th birthday.
But something is missing somehow.
I wished it was like the past.
I wished I had you.
I wished so much for the impossible.
I just really want to have a rest.
I'm not happy.
I'm not sad.
I'm just so tired of all the things that are happening.
Found out that I had 2 classes on my birthday itself.
I guess I'm just not destined to celebrate my birthday either.
Perhaps still waiting for that someone to celebrate with me.
I wish you know who you are.
I wish we could start all over again from scratch.
But I just know you won't be back soon.

-Life is great. Life is wonderful. Life is also stressful. But Life is very very complicated right now. I wish that all of us could just be really good friends. I don't want anything to ruin the friendship and bond we have. I know I'm losing out a lot for this. But there is nothing I can do from thinking of the happier times before this mess was created by me. Guilt fills me up. It dragged me down. I just want all of us to be happy. Deep in my heart, I know, my only birthday wish would not come true. You're happy with whoever you are with. I'm doing just okay with myself alone. Just okay...-

8 days to my birthday..

Weather in NYC is getting hotter and Melb is turning colder.
You in NYC must drink more water and you in Melb must wear more clothes.
I'll see the two of you on the 18th kays?
That's next week~!
Lots and lots of love from here~~~~

Oh well.
My birthday wishlist is a hell of a long one.. XD
1. Dinner with friends. Closest and loved ones~
2. Shots and shots of alcohol.
3. My Debit card if finally coming.
4. My Tiffany on May holidays from KL.
5. White Belt.
6. New wallet to replace my LV.
7. GUCCI handbag.
8. That special YOU to come into my life.
9. Wish all my friends and family a good year ahead.
10. Improve myself and change more for a better cause in terms of relationship, friendship and family bonds!


YOU DON'T LOVE ME JAU S H I U N.!

Updates updates~ 10 days to my 18th birthday~

Island Way~ pineapple sorbet~


Cam-whoring in the Club bathroom with sis

My house toilet.

In sepia

Dragon-i. VIP style~

Photos for the week before... Hehes. Didn't blog much really..
Went to Queensbay Mall's Dragon-I for their famous siu long bao and dishes with my family. My grandparents went there too! And lunch was great. Had my honeydew sago and lots of siu long baos! HEHe. One basket of siu long bao which has 4 on it costs Rm9! But it was great. So don't mind paying it lor. But thanks to Grandma who paid for the lunch which is almost RM300 after discount on CIMB credit card. HEHE. Then went to walk around Queensbay Mall. I actually quite like the ROOMS in QB lar. They sell different stuff from vendors of the special place and you can actually find some creative things there!
After that went back home and pipe bursted and we got no water to bathe during the hot Saturday late afternoon. So went to gym and sis went for a swim. Bathed there and had a pineapple sorbet. Nice actually. Very pineapple-ish~
At night, went to Taman Free School's hawker centre for CRABS! YUMMY! YOu know, one thing that I always miss is that I am too hungry everytime the food arrives and dig in before actually taking picture of the place. Once I get my D80, I'm so going to focus on photos!!! Of course lar, pay the price for that kind of camera, put all my effort to take pictures you know~! Then soon it will be the famous foodie blogger ~ Cheah Jo San~ Hahaha~

10 more days~~~~~~ 10 more days till my birthday...

But BUt BUttttttttt.......

I'm having tution on that day..

T.t

oh well... For the sake of better STPM results... GO lorrr...

HEHE. Can see my friends in tution and all that...

Though I won't be celebrating that day...

But certainly I'll be happy for that day...

It has been a routine for me to NOT celebrate my birthday on itself for so many years..
Reason? URmmm.. I only celebrate with my beloved one in the future lorrr... XD

But never mind.. Celebrating it on wednesday in salsas~~~ Then going for shooters in segas or maybe just order a beer tower~~~~ wanted to go Bed.. but have to drive from UPR to Belisa Row. Thinking of Salsas is near UPR.. So we'll just chill in Segas and have a look inside the so called famous MOIS. Lols. My escort and girlfriendssss for the day are my friendss~~~ Fishing there?? HmmMMmmmSsss.. HAHA.

Anyways.. Updates on my life...
Was busy this whole week and managed to NOT online for the weekdays except tonight. XD . Might not be online when exams are near but definitely not this coming exam. HEHE. 10 more days till my big daee~~~~
Was busy on my accounting homeworks and economics exercises... Phewshh..
Wanted to vomit on economics and shit on accountings during Pek chek time. XD
Chia Yee wanted to shit on economics and vomit on accountings!! That was the joke whenever we finished these two classes.. LOLS.

Next week, there'll be badminton practice with my team members for the upcoming badminton competition in CLHS on 4th of April. After badminton practice, shall be going to Pasar Malam with my homiess at farlim on wednesday nigth~ Let's pray it won't rain that day~
Then coming Saturday, have to register for Relay For Life thingy in Youth Park. After taking attendance might Cabut and go to gurney for dinner with my group members then come back at night when they mark our attendance. XD That's how we planned lar. 4pm register. 4.30pm take attendance. 6 or 7pm cabut to gurney. 10.30pm come back to youth park. XD
See lar. So desperate to get our green card signed! Then the next morning, have to arrive at 8am and ends at 10am. Oh yeahh. We paid for the t-shirts. purple ones. Shall be posting up soon~~~

SBN(C)~~~ Please take good care of yourself okie? Wear thicker clothes please. It's not KL over there. And you made a hell out of me when your sister called me!! Shall visit you next time if I have the chance okie? CH ah CH~~~ Please also take good care of yourself okie?? Jessica ah Jessica~~~ Don't think too much okie??? Let the past be the past~~ To God: Please take good care of my homiess and their health okie??? Nothing is more important than health!
Thank you girls for being there for me when I needed someone to console me.
We'll always stay happy forever as friends~! We all have things in our life to achieve. I'm going towards mine. Then we'll be happy happy happy happy~~~~~
Nothing is more important than being happy with myself..
Nothing is more important than making myself happy with all I have..
I might not have a lot of money. But I can surely have a lot of happiness and a lot to cherish between my friends and family~~~ Confidence is coming back to me. Everything is coming back to me. Thank you for all the support all this while.

Worried.

YOU! Why didn't you take good care of yourself?!?!?!?!!?

Weather is cold over there and you still wear clothes as thin as a towel!!! 

Getting yourself sick and me worried!!!! GRRRRR..... 

GET WELL SOON!!! hmph!!