Updates updates~ 10 days to my 18th birthday~

Island Way~ pineapple sorbet~


Cam-whoring in the Club bathroom with sis

My house toilet.

In sepia

Dragon-i. VIP style~

Photos for the week before... Hehes. Didn't blog much really..
Went to Queensbay Mall's Dragon-I for their famous siu long bao and dishes with my family. My grandparents went there too! And lunch was great. Had my honeydew sago and lots of siu long baos! HEHe. One basket of siu long bao which has 4 on it costs Rm9! But it was great. So don't mind paying it lor. But thanks to Grandma who paid for the lunch which is almost RM300 after discount on CIMB credit card. HEHE. Then went to walk around Queensbay Mall. I actually quite like the ROOMS in QB lar. They sell different stuff from vendors of the special place and you can actually find some creative things there!
After that went back home and pipe bursted and we got no water to bathe during the hot Saturday late afternoon. So went to gym and sis went for a swim. Bathed there and had a pineapple sorbet. Nice actually. Very pineapple-ish~
At night, went to Taman Free School's hawker centre for CRABS! YUMMY! YOu know, one thing that I always miss is that I am too hungry everytime the food arrives and dig in before actually taking picture of the place. Once I get my D80, I'm so going to focus on photos!!! Of course lar, pay the price for that kind of camera, put all my effort to take pictures you know~! Then soon it will be the famous foodie blogger ~ Cheah Jo San~ Hahaha~

10 more days~~~~~~ 10 more days till my birthday...

But BUt BUttttttttt.......

I'm having tution on that day..

T.t

oh well... For the sake of better STPM results... GO lorrr...

HEHE. Can see my friends in tution and all that...

Though I won't be celebrating that day...

But certainly I'll be happy for that day...

It has been a routine for me to NOT celebrate my birthday on itself for so many years..
Reason? URmmm.. I only celebrate with my beloved one in the future lorrr... XD

But never mind.. Celebrating it on wednesday in salsas~~~ Then going for shooters in segas or maybe just order a beer tower~~~~ wanted to go Bed.. but have to drive from UPR to Belisa Row. Thinking of Salsas is near UPR.. So we'll just chill in Segas and have a look inside the so called famous MOIS. Lols. My escort and girlfriendssss for the day are my friendss~~~ Fishing there?? HmmMMmmmSsss.. HAHA.

Anyways.. Updates on my life...
Was busy this whole week and managed to NOT online for the weekdays except tonight. XD . Might not be online when exams are near but definitely not this coming exam. HEHE. 10 more days till my big daee~~~~
Was busy on my accounting homeworks and economics exercises... Phewshh..
Wanted to vomit on economics and shit on accountings during Pek chek time. XD
Chia Yee wanted to shit on economics and vomit on accountings!! That was the joke whenever we finished these two classes.. LOLS.

Next week, there'll be badminton practice with my team members for the upcoming badminton competition in CLHS on 4th of April. After badminton practice, shall be going to Pasar Malam with my homiess at farlim on wednesday nigth~ Let's pray it won't rain that day~
Then coming Saturday, have to register for Relay For Life thingy in Youth Park. After taking attendance might Cabut and go to gurney for dinner with my group members then come back at night when they mark our attendance. XD That's how we planned lar. 4pm register. 4.30pm take attendance. 6 or 7pm cabut to gurney. 10.30pm come back to youth park. XD
See lar. So desperate to get our green card signed! Then the next morning, have to arrive at 8am and ends at 10am. Oh yeahh. We paid for the t-shirts. purple ones. Shall be posting up soon~~~

SBN(C)~~~ Please take good care of yourself okie? Wear thicker clothes please. It's not KL over there. And you made a hell out of me when your sister called me!! Shall visit you next time if I have the chance okie? CH ah CH~~~ Please also take good care of yourself okie?? Jessica ah Jessica~~~ Don't think too much okie??? Let the past be the past~~ To God: Please take good care of my homiess and their health okie??? Nothing is more important than health!
Thank you girls for being there for me when I needed someone to console me.
We'll always stay happy forever as friends~! We all have things in our life to achieve. I'm going towards mine. Then we'll be happy happy happy happy~~~~~
Nothing is more important than being happy with myself..
Nothing is more important than making myself happy with all I have..
I might not have a lot of money. But I can surely have a lot of happiness and a lot to cherish between my friends and family~~~ Confidence is coming back to me. Everything is coming back to me. Thank you for all the support all this while.

Worried.

YOU! Why didn't you take good care of yourself?!?!?!?!!?

Weather is cold over there and you still wear clothes as thin as a towel!!! 

Getting yourself sick and me worried!!!! GRRRRR..... 

GET WELL SOON!!! hmph!!

Run Run Run

逃避...
逃避~~~~~逃避逃避~~~~
我很笨吗?
为什么你们都说我在逃避???
为什么你们一直要我哭???
为什么要我哭???
为什么要我说出我心里的话???
难道给我麻醉自己也很错吗???
难道给我用购物来发泄错吗???
我也只想专心读书...
我也只想专心爱一个人...
就算我真的没有办法跟那个人一起...
看到开心幸福就好...
痴情?笨?傻?
还好吧...
第三次了..我真的好累...
也只想休息...玩...这次我要玩...
我要玩...玩得过瘾...以前太痴情...我要玩...

我不想伤害你.
也不想看见你在远方担心我.
我们永远都是最好的朋友...我们都是最好的朋友...

坏人...

**Fingers crossed**

It's been almost two months...

Two months since we ever hold hands...

Two months since we ever talked nicely to each other...

Seriously.. They say time would heal...

Time healed my anger towards you for leaving me...

It also healed my tiredness...

Been so tired after all the arguments we had...

But it never healed my broken heart from commiting myself so much in the game called LOVE. I thought it would be easy mending my own heart with lots of therapy and going around. I thought it would. Having C around was wonderful as C cheered me up a lot by telling me silly jokes and concern about me even though C is in NYC. The time difference is almost a day behind. I may have feelings towards C, but this feeling is just something so simple and plain because it is hard to find true friends in this life. This feeling stayed until the limit of just friends and nothing over that. Just a typical friend I find interesting and funny. But seriously, nobody has ever thought that I would fall so deep this time. 649 days of being in love with you. Till this day, the love is still there but our distance kept us away. They say loving someone, doesn't mean that you have to be with them. That is why I am still single. Though available, but I just want some simple love that I once had with you. It's so hard to find anymore. As life gets more complicated as our age grows. I just somehow wished I could have another chance with you. I know I should have just never came back after all. I was so happy and excited that you would find me again. But I was left disappointed after all after coming back. But still, I'm glad I came back after all.. 

It is just a new life after all...

Speaking on Valentine's, I didn't go to your place as I had to go back school and settle my things. I ever hurt my pinky toe and dislocated it and find it hard to step when put my feet on the car clutch. At night , had a call from you and all those hurtful things just came out from your phone call. I was stunned and worried that time. I wanted to go up there straight away to look for you and hoping your okay. But the timing wasn't right. The message you sent me that day, I saved it. It cheered me up a little bit and gave me a little hope the other day when you said we'll rest for a while before continuing. With hope...

Hurtful, indeed, but I chose not to blame you for saying those things to me. We could be together if we could really somehow put all the past behind and start a fresh leaf. I would. I would. But I know you wouldn't. Because you have that someone you like. Sighs... And I just wish we really could let those past fall behind... I know i'm not thinking rationally. But I would really be the best if I can ever have the chance to be with you again. It is because we really clicked on each other when we were together and I was happy. I didn't know whether you're happy or not. Because I still see you cry over for her and sometimes... Sighs... 

Saw something on your recent entry days ago, words that were spoken out cannot be kept back. Yes. Words that were said cannot be kept back, but could be forgiven and forgotten. No point? No worries. Because love cures all the pain. Perhaps I didn't love you enough until your pain couldn't be lessen. But the love you gave me, was enough for me to forget the past and accept you for who you are. Blinded by love? I'd give up my eyes to be loved by someone who really cares for me. I know what you want. I would give you what you need. Just plain simple love. We once had it. Right? We'll have it in the future. Maybe with  me, maybe not. But you'll be much more happier when you have found. 

I thought I would be better. But I fell too deep this time. I am getting up on my feet and gaining back my confidence. But not in love. Positive that I will be okay. I wish you would just come back to me after you're tired of messed up life because of me. I wish you would say you love me once again. Everything I wish... Just for the sake of you would come back... After seeing your latest entry... You're just pushing me to C and CH... Not wanting me back.. Not holding on me.. You're just letting me go again after all. I once heard that you wouldn't want me to be in love with others. Because it hurts you. If I could listen to those words that matters a lot again. I'd give up anything just to be with you. All these are just wishes that I wish every time I hug the yellow sponge. I wish I wish I wish to be with you. You knew where you were in my heart. I *heart* you more than any others I had. You knew.. But you left.. Not wanting to be in contact with me... Not wanting to be involve with me.. Not wanting to love me any deeper. 

**Cross my fingers and hope for a better day tomorrow**Life would be better in the days of tomorrow. I wish I wish I wish... I hope hope hope... I miss you my darling... Daring the obstacles in front, daring the uncertain things in life, daring and gambling on the future... I am myself. I am going to be Cheah Jo San. I am going to be who I want and find the one I love. I wish it is you. Stupid I might be, but nobody is wrong to fall deeply in love, **

Thank you... continuing...

To C and CH, 

I can't be a good partner to both of you. 

You both are of great qualities and all that. 

But I somehow just couldn't do it yet. 

There is still something and someone in my mind. 

Needless to say, I'm a person with passion. 

After nearly 2 years being with that someone I really used a lot of effort and patience,

I'm so sorry to both of you. 

Yes. You may curse me as you wish. 

Chop me up with a voodoo doll. 

But I really can't stop myself from thinking backwards. 

What happened back was the happiest time. 

To CH: You asked me... Why won't I try a new relationship? My answer, Because I'm afraid to commit too deep anymore. Right now for at least. Third time being disappointed by people I love and really commit myself, I lost my confidence in maintaining a relationship.. 

To C: You're a very nice person. Thank you for all the things you said to me to help me recover from the messy situation I was in. Letting go was never an easy thing. Especially for the one I have planned my future with. Right now, I just want to concentrate and focus only on my studies and think nothing much about love. Sorry but I have to say this. I love that someone still even though I know I won't be able to mend the broken heart I smashed. I was wandering around all these while. I was lonely. I was very afraid. I came back for that someone. But that someone, backed off me already. Perhaps it was right, perhaps it was wrong. I don't really care anymore. We'll stick as friends forever. We'll stick as best buds. I'm so sorry to you both. 

Thank you for telling me that love isn't everything. 

Thank you for telling me that I was never good enough for you.

Thank you for telling me that I was a failure. 

Thank you for telling me that I need to grow up. 

Thank you for loving me before. 

Thank you for leaving me and forcing me to grow up. 

Thank you for your message to make me come back. 

Thank you J. Thank you 25. Thank you C. Thank you CH. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll be good. We'll always be best buds. 

I hope nothing will ever change our friendship. 

And to J, I have already done my best for our relationship back then. 

I wasn't good enough for you as I can see from your written feelings. 

I was never there to replace her in your mind. 

Thank you for telling me that. 

Thank you for pushing me down the cliff and forced me to climb back again. 

It is just how I pushed you either. 

It's time to stop the blamings. 

It's time to stop the accusations.

Because loving each other was never a wrong thing at all in the beginning.

To C in the sin city of hot dogs...

I'm sorry I couldn't be the one for you. 

I'm sorry I took you for granted. 

But I have to say sorry to you because I don't want to hurt anyone. 

Seriously I treat you just like a friend. 

Thank you for being there for me when I needed a console. 

Thank you for listening to me. 

But I don't think I want to be involved in a relationship with you. 

Distance is such a problem. 

Someone said that distance is not a problem. 

But then seriously, would you spend your youth waiting for someone to be with you. 

But by the time I meet you, it'd be a long time to go. 

You're out there. So far. Few thousand miles away from me. 

I would perhaps stop by a while in the future. 

Going there was part of my future plan either.

But how long are you going to wait?

I have to disappoint you. I'm so sorry. 

I've gotta admit that I do have feelings for you. 

But it would be just great if we would just stay as friends for now.

Time is a deciding factor. 

And you're still young, turning 17 is fun. 

Have fun while you can at the states. 

Junior college and all that... Nothing should be missed...

I'm going to university next year. So do you...

So, just study and don't think that much . 

I'm still not ready for anything involving relationships and commitments..

Don't blame your parents for sending you there. 

They are giving you the best they could. 

I'll be a friend whenever you need, I'll be a partner in the future if we ever have the chance.

But time is just not right now. 

I'm tired. I'm selfish I know. But I really can't push myself further into a relationship.

I have my priorities and the same as you, YOUTH. 

Maybe next time. Maybe never. 

One day, you'll find someone you really love. 

Thank you so much. 

I'll pay you a visit if AirAsia ever sets its path there. XD

坏人.爱情.幸福.请抉择!

壞人
作詞：馬嵩惟 作曲：方炯鑌

那 一扇車門 關出 我們的裂痕
一聲就震斷了回頭的路程

愛 無法均分 以後 就留給你們
也許用傷害結束 愛才更動人

容忍的人其實並不笨 只是寧可對自己殘忍
既然愛不能恆溫 祝福就給你下一個人

你是好人 也是個壞人
對我坦誠 只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任 所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

我是好人 也是個壞人
分得夠狠 你才有藉口轉身
寧願愛 一點不剩
也不忍 看戀人愛成路人

容忍的人其實並不笨 只是寧可對自己殘忍
既然愛不能恆溫 祝福就給你下一個人

你是好人 也是個壞人
對我坦誠 只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任 所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

我是好人 也是個壞人
分得夠狠 你才有藉口轉身
寧願愛 一點不剩
也不忍 看戀人愛成路人

三個人從不對等 總有個人必須犧牲
那永恆 就等他帶你完成

你是好人 也是個壞人
對我坦誠 只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任 所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

我是好人 也是個壞人
分得夠狠 你才有藉口轉身
寧願愛 一點不剩
也不忍 看戀人愛成路人

寧願愛 一點不剩

该怎样才是爱?
懂得爱的人,才会知道爱的人是谁.
因为了解被爱的感觉,才会懂得爱的人是谁.
你...爱过了吗?
幸福往往只发生在那美妙的一段时间,把握>或< 永远失去.
成长,是一种必须经过的过程,我还在成长,也很肯定,有一天我也会成熟.


也不忍 看戀人愛成 路人

D80

Key features on my camera which will be air flown from australia by my uncle beng hoe! HEHE

Key features

• 10.2 megapixel DX format CCD (1.5x FOV crop)
• Image processing engine (similar to D200 / D2X)
• 3D Color Matrix Metering II, 420 pixel sensor (same as D50)
• 11-area AF system (new version of Multi-CAM 1000, similar to D200)
• Custom Auto ISO (selectable maximum ISO, minimum shutter speed)
• Configurable high ISO and long exposure noise reduction
• Mechanical only shutter (maximum 1/4000 sec, flash sync to 1/200 sec)
• Quoted 80 ms shutter lag (short viewfinder blackout; 160 ms)
• Larger, brighter pentaprism viewfinder (x0.94 magnification)
• Support for SD-HC (SD cards over 2 GB in capacity)
• In-camera retouching
  • D-Lighting (shadow / highlight enhancement)
  • Red-eye reduction
  • Trimming
  • Monochrome
  • Filter effects
  • Small picture
  • Image overlay
• Multiple-exposures
• Compact body (smaller, lighter than D70/D70s)
• Improved menu user interface (same as D200)
• Higher capacity EN-EL3e battery (provides detailed information, same as D200)
• Wireless flash integration (same as D200)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
D80 D80~~~~ I can't wait till it's July.
But when it's July, I'm going to be so busy... Busy with everything...
Trials coming and STPM is near..
It's almost the end of February. And my Legal Age is reaching. XD
Can't wait for it. Can't wait for the new lease of my life.
Can't wait to experience everything. Everything that only the Legal Age could do.
Maybe it won't be anything different. But at least. I can finally enter for real.
HEHE. D80~~~~
My D80~~~~~
It may not be as advanced as the successor D90.. But i don't need a HD Video either since I have my Casio Exilim EX-Z77. Time to go Pro with my photos by the way. Portraits, landscapes, and loads more. Will not try macrophoto shooting. Maybe because i think insects gross me out. Hehe.
My shopping lists are getting longer.
Here are some stuff I want to buy in a few months time.
1. Wallet (from HOL... but don't know whether they're getting it for me)
2. Belt (saw one from fourskin and another one in FOS. undecided)
3. White short sleeve shirt (Preferable with a fitting style)
4. A watch (Be it Kenneth Cole, Ellesse or FCUK)
5. Body butter or hand cream.
6. CK bag (saw with Jos. the other day)
7. Bangle. (Stainless steel ones although my dream is to own a Cartier bangle. XD)
8. Guitar. (Probably get it after STPM, a Morrison perhaps?)
9. Laptop (That's next year with the fastest processor. )
10. Iphone 3G 8/16GB(That's after I start to work after STPM *not the china iphone laaa.)

Loads more. Don't know what else I can do to forget my pain. Shopping is the best therapy I guess. Going out and spending more time with my family and friends helps too. I'm finally out of the closet. I'm finally free from all the things that have been bugging me for a long long time. I have to show myself in this year. And it will decide my future.

My Vietnam Nightmare.

Those of you who didn't read my blog before might not know what's my worst nightmare in Vietnam. XD. It's the process I've been through and it's haunting me again.
Been to Vietnam for almost a week and nothing happened until my last day in Vietnam.
Constant and Watery stuff came out from my ... U know...
And lasted in the plane... And also lasted in my stay in KL..
It was very watery and painful and I didn't know what was happening to me.
Right now. I have no apetite to eat anything.
Mom asked me to finish up my 100plus and see what happens tonight.
Third day of going through this. And I'm so tired.
Skipped my mathematics tution either.
Not sure whether I'll be skipping school tomorrow.
Will see how my condition is. But I've got important classes... Sighs...

Let's pray I'll be good.. I'll recover soon.. And I've lost weight!!!! HEHE
And Please DON'T DEHYDRATE!

-Peace was found. Heart was broken. Darkest secrets were revealed. Life has to Move on. Studies are more essential. -